Losing Normal

Just read some more of Abby Sunderland and Jessica Watsons blogs. I have a 17yr. old son whom I'm very proud of, I can only imagine how proud their parents must be.

So back to where I think I left off. After my long time friends have voiced their concern for my problems, I start "hanging out" with my new acquaintances. I'm going to kinda ffwd. here and say that in short all the partying I did lost me my house, job(s), friends , family and don't get me started on self worth and all that jazz ( wow, did I just say "all that jazz" ).

I thought it'd be best to leave that last paragraph short. A few reasons, it would take forever to read, I'm more interested in the process of pulling myself out of it and I'll be referring back to it as I go.

OK, at this point I'm having trouble separating crazy from normal, and fearing I won't ever be able to return and not realising I've lost it. I found myself ( 38yrs. old, 6'1", 160lbs. ) in this run down motel on the outer edge of town with this then 28 yr.old girl who was my party buddy for the last couple years. Before this we'd been in almost every motel in town which we'd either been thrown out of or just ran out of money for rent. The girl I refer to, a very pretty girl and a very crazy girl, literally. The two of us were a kind of peas in a pod scenario, but that last morning I can't say why for sure, but I'd had enough. I just grabbed my bag, told her I had to go and left at like 4am ( keep in mind our self induced haze ). I called the only people who barely still talked to me, my parents and asked them ( in short )to pick me up I was finally done. I walked into this expensive motels lobby sat on their couch and fell asleep for the 1st time in a however many days.

So after my parents find me passed out in this lobby, they take me to a hospital, and I have to lie about being suicidal so they will admit me because there is no detox for cocaine, period. 10 days it took to imaginably detox.

The hospital recommends the hardest and longest recovery program there is, The Salvation Army. Very strict on their rules and 6 months in length. WOW, I thought to myself, but what choices I had were clear, return from where I came, or, recovery. Salvation Army here I come.